What I've been reading and making

Demand avoidance, the SPACE framework, and why some children crash

A lot of what I’ve been thinking about this week is what’s underneath.

The child who crashes during the holidays isn’t being lazy. The one who won’t pick up their pencil isn’t being defiant. The chatty child who goes quiet isn’t finally behaving. There’s almost always something else going on, and when we understand what it is, everything starts to make a bit more sense.

Here’s what I’ve been reading and making this week.

Creating Emotional Wellbeing Schools [SLIDES AND NOTES] – Slides and companion notes from a recent session. One idea that keeps coming back to me: noticing changes is noticing communication. When a usually chatty child goes quiet, or a usually calm child gets silly, the change itself is the message. That shift you’re seeing isn’t “behaviour”. It’s the child telling you their needs aren’t being met.

The Crash After Term: Why Your Child Needs to Do Nothing [DOWNLOAD] – If your child tends to fall apart the moment the holidays arrive, this one’s for you. That “crash” isn’t laziness. It’s what happens when a nervous system finally registers safety and lets go of everything it’s been suppressing. Handy if you need to explain to grandparents why your child is still in pyjamas on day four.

Supporting Demand Avoidant Learners in the Classroom [VIDEO] – This recording explores how small changes in the way we phrase requests can make a huge difference. The key shift: moving from direct instructions (”pick up your pencil”) to declarative language (”I wonder if we need a pencil”). It removes the threat, which means the child can actually engage. Slides and notes also included.

Removing Dyslexia as a Barrier to Achievement by Neil MacKay [BOOK] – I love MacKay’s definition of intelligence: “knowing what to do when you don’t know what to do.” This book shifts the focus from what dyslexic learners can’t do to what they need in order to thrive. The “Make and Break” method for spelling is worth a look: a multi-sensory alternative to “Look, Cover, Write, Check” that actually sticks.

The SPACE Framework [INSTAGRAM] – SPACE stands for Sensory, Predictability, Acceptance, Communication, and Empathy: five things autistic people need to feel safe and supported. Developed by autistic doctors, it’s a useful starting point when you’re not sure where to begin. A very quick overview. Full resource to follow.

Coming up:

· Understanding and Supporting Children Who Mask – Thu 26th Feb, 7pm, £20 (free for Patreon members).

· Co-Regulating When You’re Dysregulated – Mon 17th Mar, 4pm, free.

· When School Feels Impossible – Tue 25th Mar, 7pm, £20 (free for Patreon members).

If you’d like to get in touch – feedback, a question, or to talk about booking me – you can email me at pooky@inourhands.com.

Look after yourselves this week.

Pooky x